Category Archives: Moments with God

The Gift of Now

Bella left this morning for school with her almost kindergartener t-shirt that her preschool class has made to get excited about next year. And as I tie the side of her shirt to make it ‘wearable’ because it’s still too big for her little body (and always will be her little tiny body for her mama), I almost yell at her, “stop growing, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!” She’s almost a little lady and I can see it in her posture, the way she walks and how she handles herself in every little way…and I know…the time is closer…to let her go eventually and let her be her own person in Christ..not yet, but soon…sooner than this mama would like it to be…

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“You can cut umbilical cords but you can’t cut heart strings” Voskmp says and I know how true that is. “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” How right of you, Dr. Seuss. Voskamp says “The best way to prepare for what’s ahead is to be present to what is now. Be present to the gift of now.” and I nod in agreement and I’m grateful that I paid attention this morning…to Bella’s beautiful little face with her bright eyes and shy smile, to her slim back and her beautiful up-do hair as she walks away with her Daddy to get in the car, to both of their never-ending good-bye waves until the car disappears around the corner. I’m so thankful that I didn’t rush this morning and was not in a hurry watching little Chloe going for a walk around the neighborhood dragging her little wagon so proudly, dancing and running at the same time, drawing on our driveway with chalks getting our hands all messy, blowing bubbles and watching Chloe spilling soap water all over her tiny little body and talking to birds and laughing together.

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And I marvel and wonder at how much joy God brings when I’m being present to the gift of now. The peace of God comes upon me and I know it’s His unfailing love showering me with His grace so that I can be glad and sing for joy all the days of my life. I love you, Lord, and that’s all I have to give you….


Come Upon Me Everyday

“The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most Hight will overshadow you.” –Luke 1:35

The Greek word for “come upon” is eperchomai, meaning “to…arrive, invade…resting upon and operating in a person.” -Beth Moore, Jesus: 90 days with the One and Only

I sense the power of God “coming upon me” every day, in both little and big things. That is how I know my Father is with me and that is how He reminds me of my own desire to be with Him forever. I ask him to come upon me in the darkness before dawn where everything is quiet, still and yet clear. Vanilla scented candle is flickering and I know my Heavenly Father, Abba, is here with me as always.

I can never forget the brief moment I shared with my Little Wiggles in the hospital bed soon after we lost him almost three years ago now. He was so tiny at 12 weeks, wrapped in a small white knitted blanket, and I wondered how it was even possible to have such powerful and strong love I felt for him when I barely even knew him. Everything was quiet in that hospital bed and everything was still and I knew he was smiling, I’m sure of it, because he was going home to Jesus. God took a part of me home that day and I’ll never know why the pain and suffering we endured was allowed till the day I see Him face to face. But I know one thing for sure; He reminds me every day that this, where I am now, is not home and helps me to experience the growth of my desire to be with Him everyday, which I don’t know how that’s even possible. Yes, a part of my heart is in heaven with my Heavenly Father and my Little Wiggles and I can’t wait to be reunited him and make my heart whole again.

God comes upon me today and every day because He is Immanuel and He is with me all the days of my life.


So God Made a Mother and I Say Yes.

It’s so easy to love. How can you not? She was meant specifically for me and was fearfully, wonderfully and beautifully made by His holy and perfect hands. I carried her for 35 weeks in my womb, the same womb that was not to carry a life, at least that’s what I was told all my life. But God did what He does best, a miracle, and I felt every one of them when I felt her every little moves in my belly. I laughed at her little waves in the sonogram room, talked to her as if she was right next to me and cried all the way through the pregnancy for the fear of unknown whenever the devil whispered in my ears. But my Heavenly Father held my hands tightly and carried me through and I, her. She was my very first and she gracefully shared all her firsts with me because God entrusted her with me, a mere person, so hopeless and weak. He knew that I was not enough, not even close, so He extended his grace and He made me a mother on that beautiful November day five years ago.

It’s so easy to love her. How can you not? Just look at her. So beautiful, so innocent and so fragile. Her giggles and laughs are the greatest whispers of God’s love and I know that to be true always. Yet, I falter. So easily. So humanly. So tragically. God made me a mother so perfectly and yet, I stumble. And I know exactly why. I keep forgetting to remind myself that His grace is enough and that I’m enough because I’m His.

There are tears in her eyes and my heart gets broken into a thousand pieces. And I wonder how many times I break His heart and how many times I make Him cry…. I hold her and tell her how much I love her and how nothing will ever change my love for her. She nods and says she loves me, too. Does she? I wonder sometimes. And does He? I wonder if He ever doubts my love for Him. And I pray He NEVER does.

“Someone who knows that in every hard place is exactly where you extend grace, who looks a hopeful child in the eye and says yes, even though she knows every yes means a mess but this is how you bless, who has the courage to keep letting go because she’s holding on to Me. So God made a mother.”

Voskamp writes. How does she do that? How does she know what to tell me at the exact moment I need them. Of course. And I know it’s Him.

So I tie my hand to His. Because I forget. Maybe He’ll pull the string to remind me because I know I will forget again and I will fail at it miserably. And because I trust that He’ll never let go while I learn to obtain the courage to let go of things that are not of His. I have to. I’m a mother and she is holding on to me until the day she can hold on to God, her Heavenly Father, herself.

Saying yes to her is how I bless, I tell myself. Eternity is what I need to focus when I look at her, not here, not now. It’s so easy to love her. And it’s even easier to love her when I love her the way He loves me. He made me a mother because of His grace and I take His grace and ask for more because I want to be the mother He had planned for me to be and I know it’s a good one because I am His.

It’s so easy for Him to love me. How can he not? I’m fearfully and wonderfully made and His works are wonderful. So I put on His grace and am ready to say yes to my beautiful little girl and all the mess that follows my saying yes. I love her with all my heart and will lay my life for her without any hesitation. And I marvel at the truth and for the fact that He DID lay His for me.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14


God Said “Go” So I’ll Obey and Go.

“By faith Abraham…obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” -Hebrews 11:8-

Everything is about the glory of God and He wants to bless me and I’ll take that blessing any day. And like Abraham’s story, I want my story to be recorded as a story of faith in God’s book….

God bless you. It’s easy to say and how I often used it so lightly partly because His blessing is so outrageously unconditional and abundant. But then God touches my heart so gently and so lovingly when my husband put his hand upon my head one afternoon and says, “I bless you in the name of Lord Jesus.” And I know it’s so precious and the Holy Spirit in me is waking me up. God is blessing me. He always have and He always will. And I cry at the privilege of being able to bless my children in His name.

I write down the covenant of blessing in my heart, my mind and soul with thanksgiving. Yes, I’ll obey and go. Even when I don’t know where I’m going. Even when I’m trembling with fear. Even when the devil tempts me with ungodly doubt. I’ll obey and go because God said “go” and because I trust that He sees and provides what I can’t fathom.

I rejoice this morning, writing down so many wonderful ways to obey Him and I’m grateful to God for showing the way. Yes, may God bless me forever and more. I will always selfishly receive your blessing with open arms, Father, always. So please never stop.


Happy Birthday Month, Jesus!

I hardly had birthday celebrations growing up. It was mainly because I was a girl and the fact that my uncle shared the same birthday with me meant that people were busy celebrating his birthday, not mine. Yes, it was sad but I’m ok with that now because I have Jesus in my life. And His birthday, Christmas, is just around the corner and I’m so excited to celebrate!

This year, our advent calendar is filled with scriptures instead of too many activities now that Bella is a bit older and understands Bible so much better. It’s so wonderful to hear Christmas story from her little lips and I love how Bella shouts, “Do you know that Jesus is the son of God, Mommy?!”

I love December because joy comes so easily. And I tell myself to hold onto this joy based on truth of Christ for the rest of my life. And I’m praying that God will show me the perfect gift for Jesus that I can give Him this year….

Scripture Based Advent Calendar for Year 2012

Scripture Based Advent Calendar for Year 2012


Mommy Is Forever and So Is He.

“Mommy.” She said it and I knew. She was mine. I was captivated. Because Mommy is forever. It’s such a powerful name. Mommy means “I trust you.” Mommy means “You will protect me.” Mommy is for shouting when you need someone dependable and for laughing with when you are excited. Mommy is for crying on and cuddling with when you are sad of giggling and hiding behind when you are embarrassed. Mommy is the fixer of boo-boos and the mender of broken hearts. Mommy is a comfort place, a safe place. Mommy means you are mine and I am your forever and we are family. from Kisses From Katie

And I break down. I needed that tonight and God knew exactly what I needed to hear and He spoke to me through a young beautiful lady who is a Mommy to many orphan children in Uganda. She was a mere teenager when she became a Mommy and she does it because she loves God. No, she doesn’t paint a fairytale picture of who she is or what she’s doing as a Mommy. In fact, it’s extremely hard and sometimes brutal. But she does it because she loves God and God loves her. I break down because I love God too and because I know He feels the same about me, significantly more than I Him, which I will never understand. I break down because somehow in the midst of my daily craziness, I lost a sight of Him. However brief that was, it does not matter. A minute or even a second away from God is painful and I don’t want to go anywhere without Him.

I think of my two beautiful girls, both asleep in their rooms now and think of their bright smiles they showed me throughout the day. All they wanted today was for me to be with them and sit with them and instead I chose to do the dishes, clean the floors and sweep the fallen leaves. But each time I looked up, they were smiling brightly at me. They wanted Mommy and I chose the worldly things over them. And for that, I was sorry.

I kissed boo-boos on Chloe’s hands that she got while playing in the backyard and spoke loving and comforting words to Bella during our Bible time at night.  Of course, I didn’t have to fix their boo-boos and mend their broken hearts if I chose them in the first place. But then I remember the truth and how I was found and healed through my faith. So with God’s grace, I choose not to listen to the lies and instead kneel down to my Father and confess. I know He will fix my boo-boos and mend my broken heart. I know He is forever and He is mine and I, His. The greatest truth that comforts me the most is that I don’t ever have to doubt that He will and always will choose me.

God is my father and I trust Him. And He is forever and I am His. And I can’t wait for the day where there will be no more boo-boos and broken hearts.

 


30 Days of Thanksgiving:Day 29-30

Christmas tree is up and my 5-year-old constantly gasps every time she takes out each Christmas ornament from the box. Everything seems to bring memories from the past and she wonders at each and every one as if she’s never seen them before. She is too cute for words and my husband and I constantly share looks that say, “Can’t believe we are so blessed with so much.” But I don’t have to pinch myself to know this is my life. I have my loving husband and two beautiful girls to remind me and they are just the beginning of God’s endless blessings in my life.

And then I search…search for the one ornament that is the most precious to me. I go through the entire ornament box and stir everything in it to find the tiny little heart-shaped crystal. The memory from now almost 2 years ago rushes back to me and I get a little dizzy.

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L.W. 1.17.2012

That is what’s written inside. We called him Little Wiggles because he wiggled so much in my womb. My son, my baby, who never got to share the joy of everyday wonders and giggles with this silly but beautiful family. And for that, my heart aches. As I hang the crystal on the tree, I thank God for the day I’ll finally get to see him and get to know him forever. How I’ll rejoice watching my two girls telling their brother all about their silly parents… And I tear up, thanking God for this moment to remember our Little Wiggles and for the hope I have in Christ. I feel a warm embrace from my husband and we say nothing to each other but know what each other is thinking. And I’m thankful that we can share without having to use words.

Pain of loss never goes away unfortunately but because of His promises, unbearable things become bearable and in the end, the pain turns into hope and thanksgiving. And my thanksgiving list goes on yet another day.

Day 29: High Five That!

“All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:15)

Day 30: Holding on to His Promises

“They reeled and staggered like drunkards;they were at their wits’ end. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind.” (Psalm 107: 27-31)


30 Days of Thanksgiving:Day 20-28

The more I learn about God, I realize how little I know. And I simply love that. God reveals Himself to me constantly through something different, through somebody unique and through newer and deeper understanding and He’s never boring yet always trustworthy. And I notice how much more He has been revealing himself to me lately and I know why. It’s my thanksgiving. The more I give thanks to Him, the more He reveals himself to me and everyday is like a Christmas morning. I can’t wait to unwrap what He has planned for me everyday.

And I pray that December never ends…that Christmas never ends…and I know it’s all up to me. As long as I keep giving thanks to Him, I’ll see His glorious and gracious sweet loving face everyday. My thanksgiving should never cease because I’m selfish and I want Christmas everyday. So here, I add one more thing to my to-do list. Don’t forget to give thanks!

Day 20: Enter into His Kingdom with Thanksgiving

“Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him; bless His name. For the Lord is good; His loving kindness is everlasting, and His faithfulness to all generations.” (Psalms 100:4-5)

Day 21: Give It All to Receive Much More

You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.” (2 Corinthians 9:11)

Day 22: The True Understanding of Thanksgiving

I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people.” (1 Timothy 2:1)

Day 23: Thanksgiving is the Pathway to Peace

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And
the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 4:6-7)

Day 24: The Road Less Traveled

The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.” (Isaiah 51:3)

Day 25: Where Would I Be Without the Atoning Blood of Christ?

Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ?” (1 Corinthians 10:16)

Day 26: A Sense of Gratitude

For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you,
remembering you in my prayers.”
(Ephesians 1:15-16)

Day 27: I Left My Heart in an Unexpected Place

“So, we, your people and sheep of Your pasture, will give you thanks forever; we will show forth Your praise to all generations.” (Psalm 79:13)

Day 28: Grateful for the Word of God

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1:1)


30 Days of Thanksgiving:Day 19

Day 19: Remembering the Good

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.” (Psalm 103:2)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…I don’t know if Elizabeth Browning ever counted ways how she loved her Heavenly Father when she wrote her poem but I know my list of how I love God can go on and on forever and that there will be no end to it because there’s no end to how He loves me.

As I write my testimony that I was asked to share with a group of ladies tonight, I find myself walking the memory lane, having trouble remembering things from my past…all the bad and unkind things seem so far away now and all I remember is God’s grace and His light throughout my life. No, I didn’t necessarily see His love and protection then, but now that I know the truth, that is all I see. Remembering good is not hard for me because God is good and I thank God for His goodness that goes on and on and on, just like my list of how I love Him.

I hear my little Chloe bear’s little whimpering as she’s waking up from her sweet morning nap and I thank God for His goodness and graciousness for entrusting me that precious child of his. I pray that I can train my daughters to remember God’s goodness all the days of their lives.


30 Days of Thanksgiving:Day 17

Day 17: One Day…Some Day

“I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people.” (1 Timothy 2:1)

I sit in front of my computer mindlessly, going through emails. Feeling tired but somehow I don’t feel accomplished today so I want to check few things off of my to-do list. There’s an email, Bible verse of the day, and it says John 13:34-35. “A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” And then I think to myself, was I loving today? Was I able to check “loved someone today” off of my to-do list today? Did I make anyone to think, ah, that person must be a child of God? And I’m not so sure….

It’s so easy to be selfish because me, myself and I are all around me and I can’t seem to think away from me. But it is not about me, is it? If it was, the moment I was saved, God the Father would have called me home and I would be “up” there, with Him, wherever it might be. And I have responsibility to love and make petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving for all people. That should be the first thing on my to-do list, everyday, btu the reality is that it isn’t. And I get very tired of my human sinful nature and be thankful for unending God’s grace at the same time. And He is loving. And all people know that He loves because He is love.

Be loving. I scribble that on top of my to-do list today and I promise myself that I shall try to check it off of my to-do list everyday for as long as I shall live.


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