Category Archives: Me, Myself & Abi

Happy Birthday Month, Jesus!

I hardly had birthday celebrations growing up. It was mainly because I was a girl and the fact that my uncle shared the same birthday with me meant that people were busy celebrating his birthday, not mine. Yes, it was sad but I’m ok with that now because I have Jesus in my life. And His birthday, Christmas, is just around the corner and I’m so excited to celebrate!

This year, our advent calendar is filled with scriptures instead of too many activities now that Bella is a bit older and understands Bible so much better. It’s so wonderful to hear Christmas story from her little lips and I love how Bella shouts, “Do you know that Jesus is the son of God, Mommy?!”

I love December because joy comes so easily. And I tell myself to hold onto this joy based on truth of Christ for the rest of my life. And I’m praying that God will show me the perfect gift for Jesus that I can give Him this year….

Scripture Based Advent Calendar for Year 2012

Scripture Based Advent Calendar for Year 2012


Christmas Reflection: Hope

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11-

About 2 years ago, we lost our baby boy, LW, through miscarriage and it was one of the saddest time of my life. I cried and mourned for days for all the missed time and opportunity to love and adore him on this earth and the reality of this fallen world. I remember holding on to Jeremiah 29:11 verse for my dear life, constantly reminding me that God knows better and that our family and our baby boy were under His care. Yes, I was sad and I will be sad for the rest of my life for our lost baby boy but then, I’m so thankful for the hope of seeing him when God finally calls me home.

“so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life” -Titus 3:7-

I kept the crystal that the hospital gave us along with some helpful booklets about the miscarriage. And this year, I hung that crystal on our tree to remember our little LW and to celebrate our savior and the hope He’s given me. I don’t know if it’s because it’s Christmas time, but my heart was full and joyful and I’ve never been more grateful to my Prince of Peace.

Crystal ornament for LW

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” -Romans 12:12-

I guarantee that I will always shed tears for my little boy. I guarantee that I will miss him for the rest of my life and get sad from time to time, thinking of him. But I also guarantee that I will NEVER be without hope; hope of eternal life, worshiping my God forever and ever and hope of being reunited with my little baby boy….

Merry Christmas, my little boy, and Mommy misses you and loves you very much.

Quiet Time…

I’m currently enjoying the new addition to our family, No. 2 little princess along with her big sister.

I’ll be back soon…

Bringing Up My Girl

We had a wonderful sermon by pastor John this past Sunday regarding parenting and like his many other sermons, it made me take a long and in-depth look at myself as a mother…

The Power of a Parents Influence from Journey Christian on Vimeo.

Below are 3 things that I learned:

1. Bring them up to be INDEPENDENT of you (parent) and DEPENDENT on God

This changes everything! It is true that our goal is not making our children to do what we want them to do. After all, we can’t control them and I hear that all the time from our friends with teenage children. If I let go of the “control” over my child, which I don’t really have in my possession to begin with, and let God in to do His work, things get so much easier. My child belongs to God and God alone and I’m just a tool for God to use on earth to provide guidance and help. It is not my responsibility as to what my child does with her life because that’s between her and her God. I’m just here to provide any help along the way.

Bella is taking swim lessons these days. One of the things that her swim instructor teaches is for Bella to swim to the wall/edge of the pool and get to the steps or entrance of the pool for safety. This morning, as I watched her swim instructor let Bella go in the middle of the pool so that she can swim to the wall by herself, it occurred to me that I’m supposed to be a swim instructor for Bella. No, not literally! :-) The wall of the pool, which is Bella’s safety zone, is God and all I have to do as her swim coach is to teach her the way and guide her BUT not interfere with her journey to the wall. The journey was up to Bella and I had no control over it! I know, I actually learned something at Bella’s swim lesson! :-)

So, I’m going to be Bella’s swim coach and I’m going to do my best to help her to get to the wall of the pool without holding on to her. And pray (and pray very hard!) that she’ll depend on that wall for the rest of her life as if her life depends on it!

Bella being silly with seashells! :-)

2. Acceptance

If I’m not accepting my child the way she is, I’m simply rejecting her. Ouch! This one will be a hard one for me to practice since I love doing things my own way. But I know my child is NOT mini-me and she should be her own person without fear of rejection (Jesus, please help her and me!).

I once watched Gwyneth Paltrow talking about her dad on a TV talk show about how he would let her do anything and everything, especially in the kitchen. She said it made her to be her own person without fear because her dad didn’t care what she put in the eggs or the mess she created. Because of that, she always thought she can achieve anything. Wow…I thought about myself and how I interact with my daughter. Yes, it’s simple and it didn’t take me long to realize that I’m not like that AT ALL!

I control everything so that everything is kept neat and clean and done in “right way,” which normally means my way. My poor child, she’s so restricted by her own mother! :-( I must say though that I try very hard these days to give my daughter as much freedom as she wants. Yes, this means I have to bite my tongues a thousand times during certain projects and I constantly try to calm my heart palpitation. But you know what? It’s totally worth it because Bella has so much fun and I end up having fun as well. Now, cleaning up afterwards is totally a different story but I won’t bring that up right now. :-)

Bella said on our way home from her swim lesson this morning, “Daddy is going to be so proud of me!” when I told her that we should call Daddy and tell him how well she did today. I love my daughter more than anything in this world and I want her to know that every second of her life. I want her to feel safe with me and be herself without worrying about being accepted. And that means I need to show her my acceptance of her through my loving words, actions and prayers and do it daily. That is the least I can do for her who brings so much joy into my life….

3. Time (Kids needs a quantity of quality time)

It doesn’t matter what good intentions I have for my child with all the extra activities and privileges if I’m not spending quality time with her. Duh! I grew up without all the fancy stuff, enriching experiences or music or sports lessons and I must say that I turned out just fine. (Now, I was missing quality time as well and I still turned out just fine so I must be God’s miracle! *^^*) Bella often asks me, “Mommy, will you sit with me and play?” and it just melts my heart every time. I know one day (her teenage years, most likely), she will have nothing to do with me. So I’m going to take advantage of this time where she thinks her Mommy is still cool! *^^* And this means, hubby, I won’t be doing the dishes, laundry or any house chores because I’ll be busy spending time with our little princess! :-)

Keep Your Hands To Yourself!

Dont Touch the belly! Shirt
My sentiments exactly! *^^*

It is such a joyful thing to be pregnant and get surrounded by people who are simply happy for you and the new life. I think it’s quite an endearing scene and I love all the prayers, concerns, thoughful words and care from people….until that “hand” reach out to my belly as if it is some kind of public property. Yes, people do have good intentions and I appreciate them all but this is what I have to say.

I don’t like to be touched. Period. So if you are not my husband, daughter, family members or close girl friends, I highly recommend that you don’t come near or rub my pregnant belly UNLESS you want to lose your hand. Keep your hands to yourself and just be happy for me. And I mean that in most loving and caring way. :-)

Today’s Breakfast

That’s right! At 9 a.m., I had a HUGE peice of Tiramisu for breakfast and I’m proud! I just hope that it doesn’t go to anywhere in my body! :-)

A Morning Tea with Insecurity

I love Beth Moore and I think she’s just a doll. Of course, this is based on the impression that I got from all the video Bible studies by her that I have done in the past. I really don’t know her in person so who knows what she’s really like. But I’m sure she’s not much different from any other women that I know and have in my life.

This morning, I needed a dose of Beth Moore along with my green tea and picked up the book written by her called, So Long Insecurity; you’ve been a bad friend to us. It’s not a fun book to read at 7 in the morning but it’s a good book in general. At least I know that I’m not alone and that I’ve got God on my side to take care of my insecurity. Below is one of the first lines I’ve read this morning.

“Insecurity is more than a complex emotion. It is a lie about our God-sanctioned condition.”

I like that. It’ll be easy for me to declare my insecurity as a big fat lie whenever the devil attacks me and throw me into the pool of insecurity multiple times a day.

  • I’m not fat. I’m carrying the most precious gift called life in my womb and I glow because of it.
  • I’m not a bad mother. My physical limit that comes with pregnancy making things a bit difficult to pay extra attention to my toddler daughter but I’m doing my best and this time will pass.
  • I’m not crazy! It’s just my hormones! :-)
  • I’m not dumb or stupid. I’m actually pretty intelligent and got lots of common sense. Just look at some of the people around me (it’s not you! he he he) or read newspapers. People can be really, really dumb! :-)
  • I am loved! Just take a look at my life and what God has done for me. It’s literally mind-boggling!
  • It’s not me. You’ve got issues. (ok, so maybe this is not the right kind of attitude. Well, I got little carried away. *^^*)

It’s time to go home. Bella had so much fun with Pops, Grandma Jackie and aunt Merri but we miss Daddy at home!

Precious Moments Together

Every moment in my life is precious and I’m unbelievably thankful.

This morning, I was putting clothes on my still-very-sleepy baby girl to get her ready for school. It literally took me about 10 minutes not only because she was too sleepy to cooperate with me but also because she was too cute and I just wanted to rub her back or watch her little face forever. After about 5 minutes, I could tell that she was awake and she would open her eyes here and there to peek to see what I was doing and then when she realized that I was just watching her little face, she would give me her little bright smiles. I could look at her face all morning. She was just too precious and I was remembering the time when she was just a few days old, lying on my bed sound to sleep. She lost her baby face of course but I still could see that little face and now she looks back at me with her big eyes and bright smiles. I miss her baby days but I’m so thankful for her precious “big girl’s” phase, yes, including her attitudes and behaviors, I dare say! :-)

And then, I was combing through Bella’s tangled hair from the wild night’s sleep no doubt while she was eating scrambled eggs that Daddy prepared for her. I had to spray some water on her hair to calmed her ‘crazy’ hair, as we liked to call it, and combing didn’t come easy at all this morning. Bella would say in her whiny voice, “Mommy!!! Stop spraying the water on me!!!” or repeatedly shout, “ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!” and Daddy would laugh and say, “I can’t wait to see what happens when she’s a teenager! You two are going to be very interesting together.” I’m afraid that’s true. If she is anything like me, she’ll be very stubborn and headstrong and I’ll understand the ‘suffering’ that my mother went through as she raised me. But I can’t wait to experience all that and still love my child to death. Truly, there’s nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for my little girl and I can honestly say that I’m not afraid to die for her. It is indeed amazing feeling to have and to know that God feels that way about everyone in this world is just beyond anything I can ever imagine….

Bella and Daddy left this morning together in Daddy’s car. They both were so cute and adorable and my heart was full. And to think that we’ll have another little one to call our own soon to take care of and be joyful about, I’m literally lost for words. One thing I know for sure is that there will be double the precious moments than today and we won’t know what hit us! :-)

Bella will be home this afternoon and I’m sure there’ll be lots of laughing, giggling, crying, saying “no’s” and “I don’t want to’s” and of course, much attitudes all over again. And honestly, I can’t wait.

Home Home Sweet Home

It’s always wonderful to travel, visit loved ones and be on vacation but there’s nothing like the feeling of finally coming home. And we are exactly that. At home.

I’ve never really had a place called home until I got married. Yes, I did have a family and a physical location called “home” but I was always a sort of drifter and was never settled at one place. I moved around quite often and really never stayed at one city too long. But now, I belong somewhere, both physically and mentally and it’s a good feeling.

I’m trying to get over a two-hour jet lag (I know, it’s quite pitiful considering that we’ve always traveled overseas up until few years ago) and after a sleepless night, I finally got out of bed at 6am. The world is so quiet and I feel very blessed and content knowing I have been given so much in my life, especially my loving husband and an adorable little girl (yup, they are both in Mountain Time Zone right still and are sound to sleep).

My home is not perfect by any means. Christmas decorations are still up and it looks pretty disastrous with my daughter’s toys everywhere. But I love this chaotic messy home because it is mine.

Oh, Joy, Where Art Thou?

My usual December “Joy” is M.I.A. this year.

I know. It’s sad. I tried so hard to get it back but nothing seems to work. We decorated our house with all the Christmas-related stuff we own, my hubby hung Christmas lights outside, I blasted all kinds of Christmas music all day, everyday, I lit candles all over our house (I practically set our house on fire that we don’t even need heater on!) and we finally even put the Christmas tree up yesterday (yes, we have about 5 days to enjoy it before we leave town) since we thought maybe  what causes it. But, no, my Joy is still gone missing.

“Jesus is reason for the season.” I tell myself that repeatedly and I know that for a fact. I cry over it. I AM thankful and I FEEL blessed.

So why is my Joy not coming back this year?

Apparently, I think it’s about me when clearly it’s not. Not really. I’m not going to explain and list the reasons why it’s not about me. It simply isn’t and I really need to snap out of it. IT’S NOT ABOUT ME. ENOUGH SAID.

I sometimes wonder if God ever thinks, “Oh, my! Right, yes, you’re so not worth my beloved, only son’s sacrifice. To think Jesus laid down His life for you!” I really do wonder sometimes. But I know for a fact that God never thinks that nor anything in this world including myself can separate me from His love. I know this because the Bible says so.

Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:39

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel…Shall come to thee, O Israel

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