Category Archives: Bella & Letters to Bella

The Gift of Now

Bella left this morning for school with her almost kindergartener t-shirt that her preschool class has made to get excited about next year. And as I tie the side of her shirt to make it ‘wearable’ because it’s still too big for her little body (and always will be her little tiny body for her mama), I almost yell at her, “stop growing, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!” She’s almost a little lady and I can see it in her posture, the way she walks and how she handles herself in every little way…and I know…the time is closer…to let her go eventually and let her be her own person in Christ..not yet, but soon…sooner than this mama would like it to be…

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“You can cut umbilical cords but you can’t cut heart strings” Voskmp says and I know how true that is. “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” How right of you, Dr. Seuss. Voskamp says “The best way to prepare for what’s ahead is to be present to what is now. Be present to the gift of now.” and I nod in agreement and I’m grateful that I paid attention this morning…to Bella’s beautiful little face with her bright eyes and shy smile, to her slim back and her beautiful up-do hair as she walks away with her Daddy to get in the car, to both of their never-ending good-bye waves until the car disappears around the corner. I’m so thankful that I didn’t rush this morning and was not in a hurry watching little Chloe going for a walk around the neighborhood dragging her little wagon so proudly, dancing and running at the same time, drawing on our driveway with chalks getting our hands all messy, blowing bubbles and watching Chloe spilling soap water all over her tiny little body and talking to birds and laughing together.

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And I marvel and wonder at how much joy God brings when I’m being present to the gift of now. The peace of God comes upon me and I know it’s His unfailing love showering me with His grace so that I can be glad and sing for joy all the days of my life. I love you, Lord, and that’s all I have to give you….


So God Made a Mother and I Say Yes.

It’s so easy to love. How can you not? She was meant specifically for me and was fearfully, wonderfully and beautifully made by His holy and perfect hands. I carried her for 35 weeks in my womb, the same womb that was not to carry a life, at least that’s what I was told all my life. But God did what He does best, a miracle, and I felt every one of them when I felt her every little moves in my belly. I laughed at her little waves in the sonogram room, talked to her as if she was right next to me and cried all the way through the pregnancy for the fear of unknown whenever the devil whispered in my ears. But my Heavenly Father held my hands tightly and carried me through and I, her. She was my very first and she gracefully shared all her firsts with me because God entrusted her with me, a mere person, so hopeless and weak. He knew that I was not enough, not even close, so He extended his grace and He made me a mother on that beautiful November day five years ago.

It’s so easy to love her. How can you not? Just look at her. So beautiful, so innocent and so fragile. Her giggles and laughs are the greatest whispers of God’s love and I know that to be true always. Yet, I falter. So easily. So humanly. So tragically. God made me a mother so perfectly and yet, I stumble. And I know exactly why. I keep forgetting to remind myself that His grace is enough and that I’m enough because I’m His.

There are tears in her eyes and my heart gets broken into a thousand pieces. And I wonder how many times I break His heart and how many times I make Him cry…. I hold her and tell her how much I love her and how nothing will ever change my love for her. She nods and says she loves me, too. Does she? I wonder sometimes. And does He? I wonder if He ever doubts my love for Him. And I pray He NEVER does.

“Someone who knows that in every hard place is exactly where you extend grace, who looks a hopeful child in the eye and says yes, even though she knows every yes means a mess but this is how you bless, who has the courage to keep letting go because she’s holding on to Me. So God made a mother.”

Voskamp writes. How does she do that? How does she know what to tell me at the exact moment I need them. Of course. And I know it’s Him.

So I tie my hand to His. Because I forget. Maybe He’ll pull the string to remind me because I know I will forget again and I will fail at it miserably. And because I trust that He’ll never let go while I learn to obtain the courage to let go of things that are not of His. I have to. I’m a mother and she is holding on to me until the day she can hold on to God, her Heavenly Father, herself.

Saying yes to her is how I bless, I tell myself. Eternity is what I need to focus when I look at her, not here, not now. It’s so easy to love her. And it’s even easier to love her when I love her the way He loves me. He made me a mother because of His grace and I take His grace and ask for more because I want to be the mother He had planned for me to be and I know it’s a good one because I am His.

It’s so easy for Him to love me. How can he not? I’m fearfully and wonderfully made and His works are wonderful. So I put on His grace and am ready to say yes to my beautiful little girl and all the mess that follows my saying yes. I love her with all my heart and will lay my life for her without any hesitation. And I marvel at the truth and for the fact that He DID lay His for me.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14


The Evidence of God’s Grace

Enough said.

++ Two Tiny Loves of My Life ++

 


52 ABC Projects: No. 10 {Easter Bunny & Egg}

Easter bunny. Cute! marshmallow Easter egg. Yum~ What not to like? :-) Bella got to practice shape and line drawings as well as color sorting plus she was quite creative with her Easter bunny.

When asked why we celebrate Easter, she answered, “Jesus died on the cross so that we can all go to heaven. He was in the tomb for three days! And the tomb was empty because He rose again! And that’s why we celebrate Easter, Mommy!” How can I not love her so much!!

Mommy's on the left & Bella's on the right


52 ABC Projects: No. 9 {Painting Hyacinth}

Ever since I tried to spend more time with Bella “intentionally,” I see how excited she gets when I say, “it’s time to do a craft time!” Her eyes sparkle and sometimes she jumps up and down. Oh, the joy….

Today, we decided to use celery to paint hyacinth. I noticed how kids think differently because Bella was not happy with stamped images of celery unless they were COVERED with so much paint that you can’t even tell what they are! :-) At the end, as usual, she painted everything with her fingers and brushes and covered the whole paper with so much paint. It’s hard for me to handle sometimes since I’m a total perfectionist, control freak and has a self-diagnosed OCD. But with God’s help and will-power, I was able to just let it happen. *^^* And you know what? Bella had fun and that’s all it matters!

H is for Hyacinth and my OCD improves little by little everyday! Thank you, Jesus!

H is for Hyacinth!


52 ABC Projects: No. 8 {Oobleck}

Cornstarch + Water + Food Coloring = So Much Fun!

It was messy and sometimes gross but it was totally worth it. Two friends of Bella’s were at our house for a playdate so that made it even more fun! At the end, all our hands were purple and it took few washings before we got our natural skin color back. :-)

Bella & Oobleck *^^*


52 ABC Projects: No. 7 {Mommy & Bella Time}

Thanks to a friend of mine who volunteered to watch our little Chloe for a couple of hours, Bella and I got to have a “Mommy & Me” morning! We went bowling followed by shopping and we finished a fun morning by getting our favorite drinks….smoothies! We both missed our little Chloe bear but it was so much fun to just spend time with Bella and not to worry about a crying baby in the car or getting the car seat in and out of the car for a change! :-)

My Cute Bowler!


52 ABC Projects: No. 5 {Apple+Paint=Work of Art}

I love Pinterest and get so many great ideas about almost everything from there. Bella has seen my Pinterest Boards about different projects we can do together and she picks certain projects from time to time. Yes, obviously she has lots of opinion (being as my daughter! *^^*) as to what we should do and one day, she thought apple painting would be fun to do. On Pinterest, they did it on a cloth bag to decorate the bag but we did it on the paper and it came out just fine. Now, how it looks below is very different from the actual finished art because Bella decided to just run apple all over the paper and it just looks like a hot mess of paint at the end. What did you expect from a 4-year old, right? :-) But no matter. We had so much fun!!

Bella having fun w/ apple painting

Bella is the funniest, cutest and most adorable 4-year old girl I know. I just love her spirit and loving heart. She says random funniest things and is full of energy all the time! I just love her so much and am so blessed to have her as my first daughter….

Bella, trying out a scooter! :-)


Pizza Night!

Making Pizza Dough w/ Nana Do!

Thanks to Nana DO, we had yummy home-made pizza for dinner last night! Everyone made their own individual pizza nd I must say Bella liked meats on her pizza just like her daddy! :-)

Yum~ Pepperoni~

Just like her daddy, Bella likes meat pizza. :-)

You can never have enough pepperoni, I guess... *^^*

"Pizza~" Just before it goes into the oven...

(from upper left to lower right) Bella, mommy, daddy & aunt Mary's pizza. Yum!


To Bella, With Love, Mommy

My sweet, sweet girl, Bella…

Mommy loves you…more than you’ll ever know, my darling.

The most beautiful smile ever!

Mommy learned so much about love through you and I’m so grateful to God for trusting Mommy and Daddy enough to give us the biggest and the most precious responsibility in this world…you. Know that we love you so very much and you are our “first love.”

Today, your little sister is arriving after our long wait and we can’t wait to finally meet her, face to face. You have been so sweet and so precious for the past almost nine months and we know that you will be the best big sister ever! Mommy’s heart is full of love for both of you and I can’t wait to watch you two grow up together. I just hope that God helps me to be the best Mommy I can be to you girls.

Mommy is very excited to see your sister but I’m also very sad to be apart from you for a few nights. Daddy reminded me of course that I’ll see you everyday at the hospital and we’ll spend lots of time together but just the thought of not sleeping in the same house makes Mommy very sad. :-( Daddy laughed last night saying we’ll never get to go on a cruise or on a vacation without you and your sister and I must say, he is right. :-) But you’ll have so much fun with nana Do and aunt Mary so I’m not worried (just don’t have too much fun without Mommy! *^^*).

You woke up very happy this morning and eating a plum for breakfast. Of course, you are cuter this morning than any other mornings (though I don’t think that’s possible) and I love you more this morning and than any other mornings (again, I don’t think that’s possible cuz there’s no way I could love you “more”).

Mommy can’t wait for our life of family of four to begin soon and I know you will be my big help! I love you, my baby girl, and Jesus loves you more!

With Love,

Mommy

Being so cute with Daddy & Mady the doll


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